March 2020
EMMIE, Your topic is: Write about three objects that exist at the beginning and only one at the end.
One shit morning, I woke up and did what I normally do, since it’s pretty automatic now…is grab the glass cup (made for hot drinks) I drink my coffee in. I place all the items I will put together in one spot: Coffee and Almond Milk. I put the kettle on to 200F (French Press). I took one Peet’s-approved spoonful of coffee grounds and plopped them into the French press.
After my coffee is ready, I pour the coffee and Almond Milk into the glass cup. When I am done, all that is left is the glass cup. Tah-dah!
Mom: Post the last image you took on your phone and the story behind it.
So Jenny, a nurse I work with, is always finding great deals and ultimately shares them with me. This then makes me want to buy the item even though I have never, ever wanted one in my entire life! But when Jenny’s enthusiasm sells me on this great deal, somehow, and I am not quite sure why, it becomes an obsession and I must have it.
So one day Jenny saw an ottoman in Aldi’s weekly advertising flyer that she had to have, and I, of course, had to have one too. I had actually glanced at it in Aldi’s sneak preview flyer the week before and had blown right past it. When Jenny actually bought the ottoman and raved about how nice it was it somehow became a necessity for me to buy one too.
I ended up going to three, yes three no less, Aldi’s stores to find it. I was successful! I gleefully grabbed the last one and took my prized ottoman to its forever home! It did take me forever to crack open the box, but I worked with determination. Jenny was right; it was a really nice ottoman. I popped it on the couch with the intention to screw the legs on, but just then pandemonium broke out in my house.
Wyatt, the parrot was giving early warning squawks to the furry contingents of the household (Lulu the dog, and Pepper the cat) that a stranger (neighbor in this case) was approaching and attempting to walk across our territory (sidewalk) with an alien fur-being (Jackson his dog). There was barks, squawks, scrambling, stomping, whomping, clawing, and whining, and eventually Lulu was in position, tippy-pawed up at the window with her eyes just peeking out above the lower part of the window frame. She was attempting to catch the intruder walking through our empire and bark them to kingdom come. It was then she noticed the ottoman, and jumped onto it to continue her frenzied barking. This suited her. She had a panoramic view of the street and all who dared to traverse it. I threw her favorite chew-bone motive blanket over it and she was good to go. So now no innocent passers-by survived her savvy eye and barked-up ridicule.
I took a photograph to show Jenny the many uses of this particular ottoman. It shows Lulu inspecting the street from her new perch, and the sunshine streaming through the window. Her wonderful little black patches were illuminated, the very ones I kiss every morning because they were “lucky spots”.
Then I had edited the photo by cropping it, and as I looked at it, it tugged at my heartstrings and made me very sad. It reminded me of a photo on a sympathy card for a newly deceased, heavily loved dog. With the dog half here and half drawn up into God’s powerful light made me realize how fleeting these precious loved ones are, and how their short life on earth make our lives tolerable. And then, out of the blue, the bird started a squawking fit, and pandemonium broke out again as another intruder walked past, but this time it was little fluffy Wicket (a cute little Maltipoo) with her human mom!
So, Emma, I am glad I had taken the photo of Lulu for my last photo for the above writing piece, because if I hadn’t I would have been given the one below, which I am giving you as your writing assignment. Explain why I took this photo of my friend Dixie…...
Lol. @Mom….you’re never going to be able to use the Ottoman for what it was originally made for.
So, there are either 1 of 2 reasons that this picture was taken. It went like this:
Scenario 1: You meet up with Dixie on a sunny, yet chilly day to go and have some late breakfast or lunch. Clearly with plans to go bargain shopping a little later. As you meet up, you say she looks good and is pretty stylish, outside the scrubs and all that jazz…..so you go to take a picture.
However, your phone being your phone and you being you, open your phone screen and go to take a picture of her, but as you are taking the picture, you are squinting and looking at the screen thinking it has frozen and begin hitting the shutter button, not realizing that you are aiming the phone downward. HAHAH! You laugh it off and then finally get a picture of Dixie as a whole.
Scenario 2 (the most likely): You liked her shoes. Those are some snazzy shoes.
Mom….your next assignment is to write a haiku about the Corona Virus.
Sick? You wanna see a doc?
Well, no temp or cough?
Good, sit, you’re next on the clock!
(emma’s response: LOL)
Emmie, your next topic is “A ghost decides to move in with you”
A Ghose Decides to Move in With You
I had known that there was something not quite right in the house. It seemed just a wee bit more cramped than normal. The cats would randomly look at a corner here or an open door there. But it wasn’t until I saw both my cats staring and pawing at the same spot in the living room.
Walking closer to that spot, there was a feeling of some sort of mass. You know how you pretend you are asleep and you know someone is next to you just by the dampening of sound? It was like that, but very light. I think it knew I knew. It started to leave some dust and garbage here and there. It was really irritating. If this ghost was going to reside here, he had damn well pick up after himself. I am not his fucking maid….I have a full time job and other stuff to do.
The problem was, I could not see him, and to get that dampened sound feeling, I would have to know where to be and focus. It wasn’t until one day I saw both cats pawing at the side of the bookshelf. He was there. I said out loud, “wait right there”. I ran over and got a broom. With a smile on my face, I leaned the broom on the bookshelf and politely said, “get a broom, asshole, you’ve got some cleaning up to do.”
Haven’t heard from him since.
Mom: your next topic is: Explain what a skunk smells like to someone that has never smelled a skunk before.
WHAT DOES A SKUNK SMELLS LIKE?
“Mamma”, my sweet little blue-eyed baby boy started out. It was always the way Tommy would start to ask a very difficult question about world affairs. I had met him at the bus stop when the school bus dropped him off after his kindergarten class. I knew he was in a contemplative mood by the way he was staring off into the distance, deep in thought. I braced myself.
“Mamma,” he said again, “What do skunks smell like?”
I must admit I wasn’t prepared for that, but then again I am never quite prepared for the many things he asks me.
“What do skunks smell like?” I said, trying to clarify the question, “Why do you ask?”
“Well Archie said that our teacher, Miss Malaroy, smelled like a skunk”.
Archie was a very mischievous boy who sat behind Tommy in class and was usually the source of the many questions Tommy asked when he got home.
“I thought it might not be a very nice smell ‘cause everyone went, “Ooooh”. I know I have seen a skunk in my storybooks you read to me and I like skunks, they are so much fun. It makes me sad that no one else does.”
I knew the books he was talking about and he did like the skunks and belly-laughed at the antics all the woodland creatures would get up to, especially the skunks.
“It also makes me sad,” he continued, “because I like Miss Malaroy, and I think she smells pretty, like the flowers we have in the garden. She is always nice to me, and it makes me very, very sad that everyone is making fun of her.”
“You are right to be sad Tommy, because it’s not much fun to be made fun of. It can really hurt. And,” I added, “No one should be making fun of anyone or anything, because it does cause a lot of pain—but Tommy, you can change that.”
“I can? How”, Tommy broke in with excitement in his eyes,
“By reminding everyone she has always been really nice to your class.”
“Like the time she took us to the zoo and bought us all ice cream.”
“Exactly.” I continued, “Now the people in your class will think about it, and realize that she really is pretty cool after all. Then you can tell them that she smells like pretty flowers to you, and I am sure most will agree. Archie may try to go back to making fun of her, but you have now given everyone a different way to think, and you can peacefully walk away from Archie.”
“Now lets think about skunks,” I said, “I like them too, and when you were very little we had a family of skunks that lived under the porch. The little ones were so cute, but they can spray a kind of oily stuff when they feel they are in danger. They never did that to us because we never hurt them.”
“Wow I didn’t know that,” Tommy said.
“That is because you were very small yourself,” I replied. “Now let’s get back to the serious matter of what skunks really smell like,” I continued.
Tommy cheered up.
“What skunks smell like depends,” I said
“Depends on what Mamma?” He replied.
“Well it depends on what kind of nose you have.”
Tommy looked very puzzled.
“Well,” I continued smiling by the curious look on his face (one of my favorite ones), “Everyone’s nose is different, and every nose smells things differently. You have a short, cute nose. Daddy has a long thin nose. Mrs. Wendel, next door, has a wide nose. Its amazing how many noses there are. And every different nose smells differently too.”
We walked into the house, and as Tommy hugged the dog and the cat, and tickled the bird, I poured a nice tall glass of cold milk and put some freshly picked strawberries in a dish for him. He came into the kitchen and settled down at the table to enjoy his favorite snack. He was well underway when he said,
“Go on Mamma, the bit about the smell,”
“Oh, now where was I? Oh yes. Well some people’s noses don’t like the smell of skunks at all because it can smell like lots and lots of old rotting socks thrown on a big pile. You know, like a big pile of the smelly ones we take off at night, especially after we have been playing in the mud and rain!”, Tommy’s nose crinkled, “And to other noses it smells like the cat’s litter box that hasn’t been emptied for a while, but then to some very special noses it actually smells nice!”
“Why do they have this oily smell, Mamma?”
“Well Tommy, skunks use the oil to protect themselves from things that could hurt them. It is their defense, and it has to be strong and oily, and not smell so nice so they can spray it at the danger to chase it away.” Tommy looked at me with amazement. He realized one of his favorite creatures are really super heroes….
“Wow, Mamma, in all my life I never knew that. Skunks are soooo cool, can I have one?”
Emmie: Your next topic is, “Tell a story of a scar you have”